CW: Sexual Assault
Social justice work can be exhausting, especially when people feel entitled to your lived experiences. When I’m in social justice spaces I frequently hear people ask “How am I supposed to learn if you won’t educate me?”. This derails the conversation from the marginalized people talking about their oppression and changes the focus to the privileged person’s needs and feelings. Personally this has happened to me too many times so I am going to break down why it is oppressive, dehumanizing, and exhausting to demand marginalized people explain their oppression to people with privilege.
The instance that stands out the most in my mind is when I was trying to trying to get help and support from Counseling Services at the University of British Columbia (UBC) where I am a student. In my first year I was sexually assaulted, after an evening out with my friends that ended with me passing out in my dorm room. After a year and a half of dealing with anxiety, PTSD, and the academic fall out that ensued I reached out to the Sexual Assault Centre (SASC) for support. SASC referred me to a group for survivors that is run by UBC Counselling Services, I was hopeful that it would help me turn my school year around and provide me with a safety net so I could gain access to academic understanding if the need occurred during the year. My first time going to the group I was the only student that showed up. Before asking me what I wanted out of this group the two facilitators asked my feed back about all of the material they were compiling for their successors since the facilitators who were running the group were leaving UBC. It was really off putting for my first visit, they said they wanted my input because I studying Gender Race Sexuality and Social Justice. I felt put on the spot to educate them since I am a survivor, and I went home with little information about how to support and heal myself.
A marginalized person should never be pressured or told it’s their job to educate others on their oppression (first of all a job is paid, and I have never gotten a cent for any of the work that I do). It is exhausting and demeaning to explain your oppression to people of privilege who actively benefit from you being marginalized. And before you cry out “Not all men, white people, straight people, cis people, or able-bodied people etc.” You do not have to be blatantly and publicly oppressive to perpetuate and benefit from others oppression. People who use ablest language, make rape jokes, ask a queer couple who is the man/women in the relationship etc. can perpetuate and normalize oppression.
Furthermore it can feel invalidating to have to prove why your lived experiences are valid, and can be compounded by the fear of stigmas. In my case there are pervasive stigmas surrounding mental illness so it can be hard to open up, and I fear that I will be outed as a survivor. Also I have been interrogated about why I do not identify as able-bodied, well I will let you in on a secret not all disabilities are visible. People living with mental illness, learning disabilities, developmental intellectual disabilities and even chronic illness may identify as a person with a disability. Just because my anxiety and PTSD is not apparent does not mean that I do not face ablism in my daily life on top of the sexism I face for being a women. By pressuring someone into explaining their oppression you could be triggering them by asking them to relive some of their most traumatic experiences. Being triggered can include panic attacks, flashbacks, with-drawing from the outside world and can be harmful for someones mental health and recovery.
Instead of demanding information: check your privilege (thinking about what pre- existing structures have made your life easier), leave your feelings at the door, realize when people talk about a privileged group you are not being singled out, investigate on your own, and learn the basics. There are so many amazing resources online or go check a book out of a library. It is like learning how to swim, you do not try to jump into the deep end before you know how doggy paddle. Once you do that, ask questions in good faith and be extremely grateful if someone takes the time out of their day to educate you.
For now,
S.
The author of this piece wishes to remain anonymous.
Social justice work can be exhausting, especially when people feel entitled to your lived experiences. When I’m in social justice spaces I frequently hear people ask “How am I supposed to learn if you won’t educate me?”. This derails the conversation from the marginalized people talking about their oppression and changes the focus to the privileged person’s needs and feelings. Personally this has happened to me too many times so I am going to break down why it is oppressive, dehumanizing, and exhausting to demand marginalized people explain their oppression to people with privilege.
The instance that stands out the most in my mind is when I was trying to trying to get help and support from Counseling Services at the University of British Columbia (UBC) where I am a student. In my first year I was sexually assaulted, after an evening out with my friends that ended with me passing out in my dorm room. After a year and a half of dealing with anxiety, PTSD, and the academic fall out that ensued I reached out to the Sexual Assault Centre (SASC) for support. SASC referred me to a group for survivors that is run by UBC Counselling Services, I was hopeful that it would help me turn my school year around and provide me with a safety net so I could gain access to academic understanding if the need occurred during the year. My first time going to the group I was the only student that showed up. Before asking me what I wanted out of this group the two facilitators asked my feed back about all of the material they were compiling for their successors since the facilitators who were running the group were leaving UBC. It was really off putting for my first visit, they said they wanted my input because I studying Gender Race Sexuality and Social Justice. I felt put on the spot to educate them since I am a survivor, and I went home with little information about how to support and heal myself.
A marginalized person should never be pressured or told it’s their job to educate others on their oppression (first of all a job is paid, and I have never gotten a cent for any of the work that I do). It is exhausting and demeaning to explain your oppression to people of privilege who actively benefit from you being marginalized. And before you cry out “Not all men, white people, straight people, cis people, or able-bodied people etc.” You do not have to be blatantly and publicly oppressive to perpetuate and benefit from others oppression. People who use ablest language, make rape jokes, ask a queer couple who is the man/women in the relationship etc. can perpetuate and normalize oppression.
Furthermore it can feel invalidating to have to prove why your lived experiences are valid, and can be compounded by the fear of stigmas. In my case there are pervasive stigmas surrounding mental illness so it can be hard to open up, and I fear that I will be outed as a survivor. Also I have been interrogated about why I do not identify as able-bodied, well I will let you in on a secret not all disabilities are visible. People living with mental illness, learning disabilities, developmental intellectual disabilities and even chronic illness may identify as a person with a disability. Just because my anxiety and PTSD is not apparent does not mean that I do not face ablism in my daily life on top of the sexism I face for being a women. By pressuring someone into explaining their oppression you could be triggering them by asking them to relive some of their most traumatic experiences. Being triggered can include panic attacks, flashbacks, with-drawing from the outside world and can be harmful for someones mental health and recovery.
Instead of demanding information: check your privilege (thinking about what pre- existing structures have made your life easier), leave your feelings at the door, realize when people talk about a privileged group you are not being singled out, investigate on your own, and learn the basics. There are so many amazing resources online or go check a book out of a library. It is like learning how to swim, you do not try to jump into the deep end before you know how doggy paddle. Once you do that, ask questions in good faith and be extremely grateful if someone takes the time out of their day to educate you.
For now,
S.
The author of this piece wishes to remain anonymous.